Maybe your abandoning spouse had a period of hesitation.
He or she tried to end the affair, and told you that they were willing to work on the marriage.
Maybe the paramour found a way to get to him or her, rekindled the passion and convinced your spouse that he or she will never be happy without them.
If your spouse went back to the affair the second time, it seemed to have much more power over them than in the beginning.
Then you began to vacillate, worrying that you must be right but telling yourself that surely you aren’t. Refuse to cooperate and you will find yourself in a bloody legal battle.
When you asked questions, the answers seemed a little too slick, too rehearsed. Maybe your spouse cajoled, or threatened, in a concerted effort to keep you from telling anyone what was happening.
If your husband is cheating on you, you are bound to be experiencing a wide range of intense emotions: sadness, anger, fear, confusion and paranoia.
Facing up to the reality of what he has done, and deciding how to move forward, take a great deal of courage.
You will have to consider the possibility that your husband will not want to end the affair.
Sometimes your questions hit harder and your spouse reacted with anger or sarcasm, telling you that you’re paranoid. Eventually, your mate told you that it’s over between the two of you. He or she did everything possible to keep you from going to your church leaders, their boss, your family, your in-laws, and maybe even your best friend.
If you suspected a particular person, your spouse reassured you that there was nothing going on and that this person is a friend…maybe even your friend…and it wasn’t fair to think that about them. Maybe you checked the cell phone bill, read emails, found a note or letter in a pocket or purse, or, even worse, someone saw them and told you about it. Secrecy helped them, not you, but because you thought there might be a chance to keep him or her calm and possibly stop this nightmare, you allowed yourself to be manipulated.
In addition, in some states the new relationship may be considered in the division of property or alimony determinations, so the dating spouse may not get as much as they want out of the divorce depending on the new partner's financial circumstances.
This is especially true if the dating spouse begins cohabitating with their new partner during the divorce process.